No, no.
These guys are killing me.
Hey, Rick. It's George.
Yeah, landscaping looks fantastic. Your guys did a phenomenal job.
Great.
The thing is,
the...
bromeliads,
they're just the tiniest bit close to the agapanthus.
By...
By three inches... each.
Yeah, so I hate to ask, but would you mind,
coming by tomorrow morning and moving 'em over by,
an inch, inch and a half?
You're the best. All right. Bye-bye.
Unbelievable.
Can't believe these guys.
Do your homework.
Hey, honey.
I'm home.
What do you want?
Sorry about the doll collection, Princess Leia.
Next time... don't piss off the big man.
- Who? What big man? - "What big man?"
Rydelle said you were a real mouth-breather.
Rydelle? I don't even know a Rydelle.
Hey, don't!
- Nice digs. - Please...
Don't hurt me.
Please. What the hell?
Stubbs.
Did you guys get off the damn short bus?
This ain't our guy!
He was in the right car, boss.
All I got was a make, a model, a license plate.
Christ... do I gotta hold your hand while you piss too?
I asked you to take care of one measly.
- Me? - You got somewhere to be?
Well, I just thought, since we, you know,
cleared up this, you know, little mix-up...
you don't have to worry about me.
I'm not a hero.
Fellas, this one's not a hero.
What day is this, Stubbs?
Tuesday, boss.
Tuesday.
That's curb-eatin' day, ain't it?
- No. - Get him up, boys.
- Please don't. - He's got some cement to eat.
No, please.
FBI! Lower your weapons!
FBI! Let me see your hands!
Back up! Let's get 'em up. Stay where you are.
Can you help me? Can you help me?
Hands behind you.
Back at our Lady of Immaculata,
the nuns taught us that getting into college
and/or heaven was a matter of sitting up straight,
shutting your mouth, and keeping your eyes in the front of the class.
But the sisters' best intentions didn't always pave
the way to the Ivy League, let alone the afterlife.
The fallacy is believing that being good means doing well.
That walking the straight and narrow, minding your P's and Q's, and following
the golden rule will, in the long run, reap rewards.
What?
Are you serious? You dragged my ass down
three flights and halfway across town for dork recess?
Get him a slide-rule and a Rubik's cube, and call me in the morning.
Patience, grasshopper.
Suck it, Sensei.
Come on.
Terrific. A twofer.
George and Billy Stone,
brothers in gene pool only,
as polar as opposites get.
Actually had to separate them on the flight here.
Went all sumo on each other.
That's a new one.
Yeah, counterfeiting, that is new. Look, goosebumps.
I meant the phony UPC codes.
Sounds like Billy's an innovative guy. How about you, George?
- What? - Nope. I can't.
Not in good conscience. Not without an EMT on standby.
You're on your own.
Visual effects supervisor at Disney in Anaheim.
Holy cow.
They launched cars land.
Boy.
Can I get you an autograph book or a paper bag to breathe into?
George is the big brother that got thrown out with the bath water.
He'll testify to kidnapping and assault,
but Billy's the star of the show here.
He's the inside guy.
Rydelle Monroe...
top dog of an inter-state operation
that's been running frauds from Long Beach to Lubbock
for the better part of the last eight years.
In other words, Felix and Oscar can whale on each other
as much as they want, just as long as it's after the trial.
Marshall, you'll run point.
Mary can help out as you see fit.
Okay.
Here's how it's gonna go.
Given Billy's rather extensive rap sheet,
I'm guessing he'll be more to handle than George
and his total lack of one.
So much as it pains me,
I'll... wrangle Billy.
Stan and I can get their MOU's signed.
You can check in on George once he's in his new place
and help him, you know, pick out curtains.
Cool. Sounds good.
You're not annoyed at... taking a backseat?
You kiddin' me? It's goof us
and gallant, I get the easy one.
The backseat's the least I hoped for. I'm looking for the trunk.
Okay. That's good. Good deal.
For your smug little attitude, I'm not bothered by it as I am memorizing it.
- When this all blows up in your face. - Here we go.
For the record, 'cause my boobs are so big
Dolly Parton could sue for silhouette infringement
doesn't mean I'm this delicate flower,
some porcelain doll.
You know, a layer of porcelain is incorporated
into the shell of most modern tanks as an anti-explosive.
Look, this isn't new, okay?
This is no big deal, we've been pushin' em out since time began,
in mangers, taxicabs, and out in the fields.
You think this is gonna stop me from doing my job?
Watch.
- Dammit. - What do you got?
Ultrasound appointment.
Have fun.
"Fun"?
You think this is fun?
No, it's just a figure of speech.
You know what? I'm invoking the bet.
Can't invoke the bet.
- There are protocols... - Screw your protocols.
You give me the cream puff witness? First one to get their guy squared wins.
- Define "squared away." - Nothing fancy.
Living the life in WITSEC... new place, new job and zero late-night phone calls.
So the heretofore agreed-upon stakes...
- Fine. - Fine, good.
Good.
This ought to end well.
Since 1970,
the Federal Witness Protection program has relocated thousands of witnesses...
some criminal, some not... to neighborhoods all across the country.
Every one of those individuals shares a unique attribute,
distinguishing them from the rest of the general population,
and that is...
somebody wants them dead.
The Witness Protection Team presents:
Season 4 - Episode 9 The Rolling Stones
- What are you doing here? - Mary!
Mom?
Okay, Just... My gosh.
How did you even know where I was?
We went to your house this morning, but you had left.
We found the appointment card on your fridge.
You went in my house when I wasn't home.
Well, you dropped this bomb on us.
- And on a voicemail, you know? - We're not gonna wait.
- Mary, you're having a baby... - Yeah. No....
- Not a super bowl party. - I know, but...
No, this is so important to all of us.
Okay, just calm down. Just let me sign in, all right?
Give me a minute.
Mary.
This is wonderful news.
Are we seriously gonna have this warm and fuzzy catch-up right here
in front of all these other weeble-wobbles?
- No offense. - Can I help you?
Yeah, Mary Shannon for Dr. Reese.
Dr. Reese had an emergency delivery this morning, she's on her way back...
- How long is that gonna take? - Forty minutes, an hour tops.
- Or we can reschedule. - No, we'll wait.
It'll give us time to talk all about my first grandchild.
- Mom, about your first grandchild... - Mary, come on, this is exciting.
- It's the most exciting... - I'm not keeping it.
What?
I'm going with adoption.
Mary...
It's a legitimate option.
Einstein gave up his first kid for adoption.
I'm no genius, but I can see what's coming, and it isn't pretty.
You know, congrats.
He tells me he has this major job interview at Anaheim design.
And honestly, there's something wrong with me.
I buy it every time.
I take it Billy's not exactly the buttoned-up corporate type.
I mean, he's got a good heart.
Growing up, he'd look around the cafeteria
and go sit with the kid who was alone.
Doesn't sound so bad.
Well, his choices are.
His luck, that's bad.
If there's a pile somewhere, my brother will step in it.
And after a while, it just becomes contagious.
Like this car thing. My whole life changed because
he'd rather skip town in my brand-new Bimmer.
I'm stalling out at every corner, driving around in his rust bucket.
Rydelle's gang of single-digit IQs mistakes me for Billy,
fives days later, I live in Albuquerque.
I hear you, George, I do. But let's get down to brass tacks.
What can we do?
What is it you want?
I'm making this right.
A confession?
But the AUSA dropped the charges. That's part of your deal.
It's not for them. It's for George.
"Apology" has just the one "p."
Good catch.
So, counterfeiting.
- That's gotta be tough to pull off. - What can I say?
It's a gift.
Of course, big bro.
- Now, that's A-1 talent. - But the UPC codes...
Cake.
We make the bogus stickers on my boy TJ's laptop,
slap the fake UPC of the real one...
Pay the lower price, then sell it back at another store.
Easy peasy.
And you came up with all this on your own?
That and a million other genius ideas.
It's funny, the weirdest things inspire you.
When our parents died...
I'd just graduated college.
Billy's still living at home, so I tried to help out,
you know, be the big brother.
I cosigned for his condo.
My credit nosedives right into the toilet.
Get this. I vouch for him...
entry-level job at Rib Town...
Billy sells their secret recipe online for 500 bucks!
Everything he does ends up landing on me.
- Kate, back in Tustin... - This is the Kate
who didn't come into the program.
Why would she? You know, I get it.
But still, she was the first girl I connected with in years.
She didn't even mind the pug tattoo.
I'll bite.
What's the pug tattoo?
Great.
Here comes the story of the pug tattoo.
What's the pug tattoo? It was supposed to be a tiger.
Like George.
Protective, fierce.
Did that look like a tiger to you?
Fierce. Really?
So you defaced your brother's undercarriage?
The tiger tat wasn't perfect. Guilty.
Plus... it came out lookin' like a pug.
George was never a dog guy.
And I offered him a do-over. Half-price.
Okay, Billy.
Albuquerque has a few different spots you might like... Rio Rancho, old town.
- Nob Hill is nice... - Actually, I'm thinkin'
I'll wait till George picks a place. Whatever he wants is cool with me.
The sooner we get you settled in...
When I was six years old, George took one of my drawings off the fridge...
just me and him... and he says,
"Billy,
"you got the eye of an artist. Don't ever forget it."
That's gotta mean a lot, your brother saying something like that.
I love my brother more than my life.
Anything I can do to make things right.
There is nothing he can do to make this right.
We like to think of WITSEC as an opportunity to reinvent yourself.
I don't wanna reinvent myself. Chief McQueen, please.
You gotta help me here.
At least relocate me to some new city, somewhere away from him.
As much as I'd like to, your brother trumped that move.
He wanted the two of you relocated together.
That's the part of his deal he wouldn't budge on.
You're the big brother, I get it,
but he's the big fish.
Okay, so what if I don't sign?
Your brother won't testify. The case goes away.
So does his deal, so does he.
So does your protection.
The rest of your life you jump just a little
every time a garage door opens.
Your call.
All right.
Well, here we are, George.
As geographically removed from Billy as possible.
You gotta be kidding me.
This is look, back home I lived in a 3,000
square-foot house with a jacuzzi.
It's got some perks.
Relocation is definitely not a minor adjustment, but you know...
You know, it's a little soon after Kate.
And I gotta explain this.
- I'm not sure I'm in that place. - I hear you, George.
Welcome to the building.
I'm Laurie. 1C.
Come on, carpe the damn diem.
- Well, she is pretty cute. - George, 1C even has a dog.
Talk about an open lane. It's a layup.
I'm George.
Look who knows what a doorbell is.
Trying to respect your boundaries.
That's funny.
What's up?
This won't take long, I...
ever since the doctor's office, I've been
thinking, and...
I know that you think that I fly off the handle.
Brandi, enough preamble. Speak. What?
Let me and Peter take the baby.
That's hilarious. And not just a little creepy.
I'm serious.
Okay, so, yeah, let's just play that out for a second.
So let's see... I give birth,
and hand over the little him or her, and you guys lie about who I am.
Killer way to kick off parenthood, by the way.
Or you don't lie, and I become
what, "aunt mom"?
'Cause we haven't given dysfunctional the ol'college try?
You don't think we would make good parents?
Wait... that's what you took from that?
That's amazing. Amazing.
I'm late.
Lock up when you're done listening to my voicemail.
What does Mark think?
You know... Mark.
Super funny, kind of cute...
you might remember him from, I don't know, your couch or wherever.
What are you even talking about?
- I didn't fail math. - Yeah, you did. Twice.
You're five months pregnant. You guys hooked up while he was here.
That's math that even I can do.
Does he even know?
My God.
Mary, well, what...
you... you don't at least tell him?
- Why? - Because.
Mark's a great guy during good times.
He's the life of the party, a real charmer, he's fun,
I get it. But... he's a kid.
I saw it 20 years ago, I saw it when he was here
five months back on my couch or wherever.
Well, how do you know? How do you really know?
Single mothers are superheroes, but I don't wanna be one, okay?
I can't even run my own life by myself.
I think, kids should be raised by two parents
who love not only them, but each other as well.
Since I'm the one playing hostess, I get to say what's best.
I have no idea what it takes to be a good parent,
but I've got a good handle on what makes a bad one.
That is why I'm not telling Mark, got it?
Well, look at that.
I'd say a relationship seals the deal in the "settled in" department.
Three dates does not a relationship make.
All right.
What's up, Romeo?
Are you kidding? Laurie's awesome.
She is awesome.
There's your first batch of mail, as promised.
Thank you, tell Stan he was right. The dog thing, total layup.
Did you check out Oscar? He's adorable?
A dog inside. That is adorable.
Laurie's Uncle owns the lanes, and she fosters rescues.
Said I could keep him. You a dog person?
Well...
I operate under a strict no-pet policy.
- Uptight landlord? - Uptight Mary.
Come on! Look at him. How can you not love a face like that?
- George. - Let me count the ways... the cold,
wet nose, those scratchy mysterious pads on their feet,
the brown gums, and the gross wild-rice toenails,
and the spastic wagging tails knocking over glasses of wine.
P.S. Not a fan of the one-night stand on my leg.
Oh, no, no.
Enter the prodigal bonehead.
Boy.
- Billy, what are you doing here? - It's bowling night.
I wanted to see you, okay? To see how you were doing.
I get you're pissed off,
but family, you know.
It's all you got.
Billy, this is Laurie.
- Hi! - My brother Billy.
Hi, Laurie.
- Congrats on hooking the big fish. - Seriously, George is the best.
- What's up with the dog? - That's Oscar.
- Laurie just gave him to me. - I thought we hated dogs.
What? No! No. What are you...
- I love dogs. - Since when?
All these strays in our neighborhood.
George had the pound on speed-dial.
They made him an honorary deputy. Remember? The "bark narc."
George?
Can you give me a second?
God forbid I have a nice, calm evening without you charging in...
- Like some toddler on a sugar high. - Billy, walk away.
You don't pick up my calls. I stopped to say
- I'm sorry for the thousandth time. - 1000 wouldn't scratch the surface!
- Hey, George. - I know.
Knock it off.
All right?
Excuse me...
George, I had a really nice evening.
But I think...
I think I'm looking for a little less drama in my life.
But we can still be, you know, friends.
"Friends" always hurts.
- I'm just gonna take Oscar and go. - Don't, please.
I really like you, and I do really love dogs.
Maybe you can stop by and check in on him,
every day if you want.
Here.
Thanks, Laurie.
You know what? This is like...
It's Kate all over again. You're like girlfriend kryptonite.
Me?
- I didn't do anything. - I'm about to.
You and me, this, we're over, I'm done.
Laurie!
Laurie, wait up!
Come on.
That doesn't look like a relationship.
Look, George, you can't leave.
You'll miss that hot air balloon rally... thing.
What is that? That's a world-famous balloon thingy.
I have vertigo.
Then salsa fest.
I'm talkin' salsa
with that annoying music by those guitar-playing bullfighter guys.
- Mariachi? - You haven't mastered the hard sell?
Forget about the balloon fest and the martial arts thing.
- Mariachi. - Whatever!
George, seriously,
wherever you're thinking of going, it's not safe.
I had one moment of hope that things might be different,
a blank slate, but nothing changes.
My brother's this massive albatross around my neck.
Okay. All right.
I hear you. Trust me,
I know a thing or two about albatrosses.
- Albatrossi? What is that? - "Albatrosses."
Or "albatross," like deer or fish.
People change.
Even the ones you know the best and the longest.
- Most times they don't, but they can. - What if he never does?
What if Billy's one of those "most times"?
Well, that would suck, but look.
Running away is not an option.
You know what Buddhists say, "wherever you go, there you are."
Precisely wherever you go. Just watch.
Once he's done screwing up my life, he'll come after you guys.
If he hasn't pulled some bone-headed move to get kicked.
Let's hope that doesn't happen.
Yeah, whatever. Either way, I'm out.
What are you doing?
Seriously, you can't leave.
Make him stay. Please.
- Look, Billy... - They'll kill you.
Billy, you haven't been talking to anyone in Rydelle's gang, have you?
- Right on cue, the bone-headed move. - I know the rules, I haven't talked.
George, listen. Rydelle...
if he finds out you're out there, he'll kill you.
- I'll take my chances. - I screwed up again.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to step on your date.
How know the chick was the mother Teresa of dogs?
She's not some chick. Her name is Laurie,
she's the first girl I liked since the last one.
George, seriously. Look at me!
Don't leave.
Please.
Fine.
I'll stay.
Again.
And again, and again.
Good answer.
- Good answer. - Don't repeat.
So the loser had to run around
the concourse at old Yankee stadium,
nothing on but a foam finger.
"We're number one..."
- How'd that go? - Fine for me. I won the bet.
The other guy? Let's just say it was a chilly April.
So, your thing with Mary, what is that?
It's neck-and-neck. Looks like George is sticking around.
Billy's on his best behavior.
- I'm trying to keep it that way. - What are the stakes?
The stakes are confidential, Stan.
- Confidential and high. - Oh boy.
- Everything okay? - Abigail.
Asking if we know anything about a "Billy Stone."
Dammit. So much for neck-and-neck.
The owner of a local bodega called it in.
Lucky for us, the security cam caught the whole thing on tape.
At 11:58 p.m., according to the timestamp,
the perp was tagging one of our scarecrow cars over on Central.
That's your evidence? You can't even see his face.
You can make a positive I.D. off of that.
Don't have to.
The FBI's got a database for everything.
This one led to Tustin,
California P.D., who, rumor has it,
busted a Billy Stone
for tagging the same mark outside Anaheim two years back.
- Yeah? - You know what else rumor has?
Billy Stone and his brother
are currently cooperating in a federal investigation.
- Ringing any bells? - None that I can answer.
I have been hearing that song all day.
FBI, Tustin P.D... dead ends everywhere I look.
Meanwhile, those tattoos, pretty distinctive, wouldn't you say?
- We're looking to interview him. - Do me a favor.
Buy your guys some pastry
and me a little time.
20 minutes, not a second more.
- Put it on my tab. - Tick-tock.
- I'm telling you, it wasn't me. - Hey, don't.
The bodega across the street got you on the surveillance cam.
Tats photograph nicely, so the news isn't all bad.
I came back from George's and went straight to bed.
I mean, am I the only guy in the "Q" with a spray-paint can?
Nobody in Albuquerque says "the Q," so you can put a lid on that.
- Second, it was your signature tag. - Your signature tag, nimrod.
Maybe they got it off my old website.
Or... or maybe... I don't know.
I know is I didn't do it. I may be a screw-up, but I'm not a liar.
Billy, we're not messing around here.
I have to call the AUSA with this.
So I'm booted out of WITSEC?
It might not be enough to violate you out, but...
Hey, you.
- Come with me. - What's going on?
What's going on?
I impersonated my brother and sprayed graffiti on a police car?
- Why would I do that? - Non-denial noted for the record.
Marshall, anything?
If it's a criminal, you're barking up the wrong branch of the family tree.
Keep digging, George.
Found this stashed in the bathroom.
Mani-pedi party?
- That was there when I moved in. - Or you bought it to remove
traces of spray-paint from when you tagged that cop car.
- One of those. - Guess they left these here too?
- Incriminating, don't you think? - Eeks.
Those are incriminating on so many levels.
Seriously, take 'em off.
- I can't believe it. - I can.
He's in visual effects. Duping a graffiti tag's a snap for him.
Lucky for you, you're a slob who doesn't throw away his takeout boxes.
He signed the receipt two minutes before you got caught on candid camera.
I didn't wanna hurt ya, I wanted to make enough trouble to...
- To what? - To get away.
To get you away.
Since I was seven, I've been trying to make things up to you.
- To make things good. - Let's not do this.
Crashing your bmx...
- The time I tore your rookie card... - You don't have to remind me.
I just wanted you to like me,
like me half as much as I love you.
- Billy... - When you're the screw-up,
and your brother does everything right,
you can't help trying too hard.
I know you meant well.
You lose the money he spotted you, so you sell the secret sauce.
Make him walk away from his life
and the cute girl at work.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying.
Story of my life, right?
Billy.
I know what you're thinking. "Cut him some slack, George.
"He's a good guy, it's not like he's screwing up your life on purpose."
On purpose, by accident. You still gotta clean up the mess.
Right.
I'd take sibling rivalry over needy and helpless any day.
How do you deal with it?
Are we girlfriends?
Get your coat. You're going to jail.
Guess who just got George released on an O.R.?
I don't need to guess. I spoke to A.P.D.
You mean your girlfriend?
What's that? Some kind of kinky euphemism?
I went through the proper channel.
Let's just say I hope you used protection.
Congrats on the O.R. I got them to drop
the tagging charges altogether.
So then we're stuck with goofus and gallant.
- Looks that way. - I'll sound the good news.
- See ya. - See ya.
Knocking.
You're really starting to throw me.
- Can we come in? - All right, enough, miss manners.
All right, so what's up, you two?
Mary, I know all about Mark.
- I'm stunned. - Brandi's just trying to help.
And so am I. I'm a mother.
For once, I know exactly what you're going through.
Let me save you some time here.
Don't try to talk me out of this, okay?
Brandi and Peter have a huge house.
Are you insane?
What does that have to do with anything?
- And it's not that big. - It is. It's gigantic.
- It's not. - It is. Now stop.
Just think about it.
I could rearrange my whole schedule.
I could be there all the time.
It could be great.
It could be like three Shannons and a baby.
Okay. My God. Look, thank you for the so-called support,
but I'm a grown woman with a job, and a house, and a gun,
and a made-up mind, got it?
Jeez.
Tsk, that enough for you?
Yeah, I think so.
Okay.
If you're sure... about this,
then so are we.
"So are we." What's happening? What's the catch?
No catch. We meant what we said.
But if this is how you feel,
we are family,
and we'll support you no matter what.
So then that little bit of community theatre
was what, a test?
We just wanted to be sure that you were sure.
So...
eat smart,
get plenty of rest,
and I love you.
Thanks, mom.
Peter and me, the offer still stands.
And the house is sort of stupid-big.
Again with the house. It's one baby.
I'm not having puppies. Go.
Go.
Good news, George. We got APD to drop the charges.
You're a free man.
What?
I'm on my way.
Oscar found this outside my door.
- I don't get it. - Other side.
"You'll have your life back soon."
He's not answering his cell.
Can you think of anywhere he might go? A bar, a friend's place, anywhere.
I don't know...
Log into the tracking system and check something for me.
Oh, dammit.
You know what's worse than having no idea what your brother might do?
Having some idea.
Good old Rydelle picks an amusement park for a meeting.
How are we going to find him in this mess?
GPS puts Billy somewhere in the southeast corner.
His phone anyway.
Let's fan out, cover more ground.
I'll check that building first.
You hit the ones on the West Side.
Inspector Shannon'll stick with me.
- Where's Rydelle? - I told you he's busy...
Lawyers and crap.
You'll see when he gets here.
You said that three hours ago.
You can take the leash off me.
I'm fully capable of fanning out.
I know you worked your magic on Stan, and you're gonna roll your eyes at this,
but I'm telling you. I am.
Right, 'cause the four-hour harangue on the way wasn't enough.
You're sticking with me. We don't know what we're walking into.
- If it gets ugly in here... - Got it. Duck and cover. I know.
I'll say this, Billy.
You got some stones showing up here.
Why?
You're a deal-maker.
I got a deal to make.
That's all.
He's got a deal to make.
Let's hear it, Monty Hall.
Pretty simple...
I promise not to testify
if you promise to let me and my brother live.
Or... I could just shoot you...
right now.
Not if I recorded my testimony on DVD.
I get killed, my brother turns it over to the feds.
That's not so good for you.
What do you think, Stubbs? Would that B.S. hold up in court?
I'd argue hearsay and get it tossed like that.
Stubby was pre-law at USC, so...
- U.S. Marshals! - I wouldn't do that.
Back off. Stay back. Stay back.
Okay.
Excuse me.
Come on!
U.S. Marshals! Stay down! Stay down!
- Hands where I can see 'em! - Freeze! Don't move!
Stay down.
Go ahead...
You wanna save your brother, next time send a text.
Welsher.
Please. You did not win the bet.
- But I did. - But you didn't.
- Did too. - Did not.
Did too.
- What are you, children? - She is.
- All right, enough! - Welsher.
Enough!
I heard about your romp through the amusement part.
'Cause guess what? I don't like being told to hang back. Narc.
From now on, it's gonna be me holding you back.
Push it, inspector, and I will bolt you to that desk.
Understood?
Now, as for this ridiculous bet...
I'm the boss, ergo I am judge, jury, and executioner.
You'll abide by my verdict. No ifs, ands, buts,
or "come on, Stans" about it, got it?
- I guess. It's... I mean... - Whatever. It's dumb.
You both lost.
What? Are you serious?
And as such, you both have to make good on your bet.
- Come on, Stan. - What was the bet again?
Loser embraces something he or she hates.
I'll take one front-row, center ticket, thank you.
The sign of a healthy compromise, everybody's pissed.
Blows.
One more cars land question...
is it true that there's gonna be a test track ride,
or are these just Internet rumors?
And my lips are sealed.
Test track.
Proud of yourself?
- Proud? How? Why? - Your plan worked.
You can both kiss Albuquerque goodbye.
Where to?
Don't wanna know, couldn't care less.
But you got what you wanted, George.
You're going your separate ways. No more babysitting,
no more cleaning up his messes, pesky little brother begging to go bowling.
And you get to start taking responsibility
for your actions, stand on your own two feet.
No more having to rely on your big brother
for a little throw-around money,
the periodic bailout.
Thank God for WITSEC?
Right. I mean, come on... family?
- Overrated. - Move on.
Good riddance.
Is that what you want?
I don't know. You?
Come on. Moist, processed pig bits
in a sheep-intestine casing.
Oh, God.
Come on, sweet pea.
What are you scared of?
I'm not scared of them.
It's not irrational, like Stan's fear of ceiling fans.
I see. So it's a totally rational hot dog fear.
Come on, explain. Ten words or less.
As you're well aware,
I am no stranger to exotic foods.
That was ten.
I've tried grouper throat,
Armadillo tacos,
even lamb testicles.
You're showing off.
But the mighty hot dog,
that ruined a weekend the winter of '95.
Food poisoning!
For two days I sweated through sweatpants,
which is harder than it sounds.
Stall all you want.
They just go down harder when they're cold.
One hot dog a day for a week.
This is too good.
Okay. Your turn.
Yeah, all right.
So I just have to pet it, right?
Yeah. No, you have to foster him.
Fo... are you serious?
You want me to foster him? I don't think that's a good idea.
- It's a great idea. - Besides, I'm all, you know.
A woman who'd never use pregnancy as a lame excuse to welsh on a bet.
What about George? Poor George.
He loves Oliver.
Oscar.
His subcutaneous microchip
would make it too easy to track George, who, by the way, wanted you to have him.
What?
That's right. He said if he can come to love dogs, anyone can.
Congratulations. It's a boy.
Give it to me.
Scientists and scholars and poets and priests
can argue the particulars,
but who's to say, really,
how children raised in the exact same house
can turn out to be so drastically different?
Forget nature or nurture.
My guess is it's the luck of the draw.
And that's the scary part.
How smart they are, if they can read a map,
or carry a tune...
it's mostly out of your hands.
Just add water and hope for the best.
Because in the end, as it is in the beginning,
a child is going to be who a child is going to be.
All it'll be for sure is a reminder,
a constant reminder of who you are,
and where you've been,
and how far you have to go.